Connection- Making The Choice To be Here NOW

Humans are a species that thrive on connection. We have the ability to connect on the level of body, mind and spirit. In fact we are AWESOME connectors, making  incredible differences to each other’s lives through the simplicity of eye to eye contact and gentle touch.

However…

When we speed through the streets, skirting around corners, narrowly missing pedestrians, in a hurry to get to the next thing, we are disconnected.

When we focus on the television, stare at the laptop and ignore our children, we are disconnected.

When we eat without gratitude, smoke cigarettes out of habit or react in anger and frustration we are disconnected.

In fact when we do ANYTHING in our lives without conscious awareness we are choosing  to disconnect from life itself.

Consciously connecting or being in the NOW are surefire ways to gain command of your life and project yourself into happiness and success!

Disconnection leaves us little or no room for the purposeful direction our lives, disconnection is another word for suffering.

Connection, implies clarity and awareness. Being connected give us access to extraordinary levels of power.

To truly connect we must be willing to be happy rather than right, to take command of our own emotional body rather than try to control others actions.

Couple this willingness with conscious awareness on your breathing and you begin the process of connection.

Breathing fully, relaxing the shoulders, stomach and bottom activates the vibration of NOWNESS. As soon as you bring your attention to your body your heart alights with the recognition of NOW.

You come back from wherever your thoughts and habits had taken you and you awaken to the sensations on your body, in your lungs, before your eyes.

Conscious awareness of your breathing flushes the system of stagnant air and ideas. opening the door to a wider appreciation of your life.

There is such peace to be found in the now.

Extreme beauty abounds in the air of the now.

Your child’s eyes are shinier when you are connected in the now.

The things people say are more interesting.

Your lovers skin is warmer, the food tastes better, your decisions are keener.

You become aware of your integrity. You can make the conscious decision to smoke the ciggy or eat the cake and if you decide to do it, you get to really experience the joy in it, or you can consciously register the distasteful body response it causes.

You are no longer numb to your own senses, no longer in denial of your own best practice.

The more often you switch on to the moment the easier it becomes to notice your natural , implicit connection to everything around you.

Children with learning and/or behavioural issues clearly benefit from true connection with the adults in their lives and will often respond immediately to the harmony that is to be found in defenceless connection.

If parents and carers of such children are devoted to their own personal development, concentrating on the power of presence they receive the payoff in optimum results.

Relationships of all kinds heal and change, with more joy and less pain, when we commit to breathing into the now.

Humans are intrinsically connected to each other and all that is. It is in the simple denying/forgetting of this that we feel grief.

Imagine leaving your child somewhere, forgetting to go back for her and now a seeking for the memory of where you left her.

There would be, to hazard a guess, an overwhelming distress and blanket feeling of hopelessness.

This is what humans are unconsciously feeling,  a nagging sense that something is missing. A deep need to fill the space within with external drama and material objects to satisfy our yearning for the peace and joy only to be found in the silence of now, the truth of connection.

An important aspect of our psyche has been abandoned in favour of ambition and noise and I believe we are angry at ourselves for allowing this to happen.

it is time to see past our anger and disillusionment, stop asking why  and skip to the solution.

Relax. breathe and be here now. This is enlightenment.

Relax, breathe and change the world.

Breathe and connect, feel the little hand in yours. Be there for the children.

Forgive ourselves for forgetting ans start afresh NOW!

 

Introduction to I AM Inspiration! Connection and Motivation in The Classroom

In 1975, three behavioural psychologists conducted experiments on groups of 2nd and 5th graders. To summarize, the experiments split school children into three groups.

The first groups were treated as normal school children, but with teachers using little or no extra motivational influence for the children to learn materials and complete assigned tasks and testing.

The second groups were given the same coursework and assignments, but their teachers were instructed to utilize a special vocabulary for motivation, so as to attempt to persuade the children to do well in their work and assignments. For example, “You should study hard and try to do well on the next test,” was the type of strategy employed.

In the third groups, students were again assigned the same work, but this time teachers were instructed to assign attributions to the students, in the form of praise and confidence reinforcements. For example, “You are doing very well in these assignments, better than I could ever have hoped for. I’m sure you will do well on the test,” was the type of tactic used in the third groups.

 For reference, the 2nd graders were trying to learn math, while the 5th graders were learning how not to litter and to clean up after others. Thus, there was one learning scenario, and one cognitive behaviour scenario.

The results were the same in both the 2nd and 5th grade students: The children in the first groups (the control groups) performed at the lowest levels of the three groups. The second groups, who received persuasive suggestion that they should try to be good students (or that good students should pick up after each other), placed second in performance evaluations. And the third groups, the groups who were prematurely awarded the attribute of being good students (or being responsible non-litterers) and then given confidence boosters of how they would do in testing, performed at the highest levels of all the groups. (Published in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 1975)

So what does this study suggest? It suggests that the way children see themselves directly influences their performance levels in both coursework and behavioural interactions.

It suggests that the attempt to persuade a child to try to be a better person (if they were to simply do this or that) actually might subconsciously suggest to them that they are not already that valuable person, and it just might offer them the opportunity to prove this concept of valuelessness if they happen to fail at their task.

Henry Ford, the American automobile pioneer summed up the effect of mental outlook in his simple statement, “Whether you think you can, or you can’t, you are usually right.”

Within the pages of I AM Inspiration is a program that addresses the most effective strategy in helping children to succeed, both personally and academically.

The I AM Program takes the fundamental principles of developmental psychology, and applies self-esteem building practices and positive self-perception exercises that help children build a more positive personal outlook, learn about their individual emotional landscapes and thus improve their very capabilities to operate in their ever expanding worlds.

In my work with both children and adults, from a pattern recognition standpoint I’ve discerned that when a child gets angry, it is because they are having an emotional reaction to something that their identities have attached to that is currently not meeting their expectation.

Similarly, when a child gets sad, they are reacting to a loss of something that their identities have attached to which they do not want to lose.

When a child is fearful, they are concerned that they are going to lose something to which their identities have attached. And confidence to be able to perform a task is of course dependent on how a child perceives their own identity. “Am I someone who can do this?”

In my eyes, any program that positively adjusts a child’s perception of self, improves confidence, and provides a level of emotional understanding that allows them to understand and deal with their feelings… is a HUGE WINNER that our global education systems are in dire need of.

These types of influences can affect a child’s life and learning experiences not just while in school, but for the balance of their lives.

I believe that the I AM Program has the potential to do just that… improve a person’s life for the long term. Within the pages of this book you will find training information and resources for educators, numerous age-appropriate exercises and workshops for children and some wonderful stories that help teach and reinforce the lessons contained here-in.

It is my sincere hope that teachers embrace the holistic education of their students so as to improve not just the quality of their students’ educations, but also the quality of their lives and psychological well being. May this program help you do just that.

Sean Webb

Director of the: I AM Podcast

www.iamspirituality.com

Your Words Will Teach Me Who I AM

Your words are powerful magnets that will teach me who I AM.

 Ingrid had two small children. One was particularly disruptive. She became known as ‘a little devil.’ Family members would refer to her as mischievous and out of control. Ingrid chose to think the opposite. She called her ‘her little angel’ and took every opportunity to point out her positive traits and kind ways. Soon after her daughter’s behaviour changed. Ingrid says, ‘then she truly became my angel and I can’t praise her enough.’

When observing behaviour, you have the power to encourage and inspire and positive acknowledgement is the key. Acknowledge each child every day, for something they do right.

The Virtues Family Guide is an excellent reference for building self-esteem through the language of the virtues. The founders, Linda Kavelin Popov and Dan Popov spent years researching virtues and concluded all cultures and religions placed emphasis on virtues, the only difference was their expression.

For example all cultures value courtesy, but it means something different in each family and country. All cultures value compassion, but that too, will have an individual meaning.

The language of the virtues will support your child’s self-esteem by teaching them to develop their values. It isn’t enough to say ‘good boy’ or ‘good girl’, it is important to teach your child what is good.

For example: ‘Mary, I saw your generosity this morning when you helped your friend with her bag.’

 ‘John that was kind of you to help the new student’

When a child understands what kindness looks like, when they see their own compassion, recognise caring in others, it becomes a smooth transition for correction.

 It is easier to say to a child, ‘Daniel, please show respect for your sister’ when he knows what respect looks like, feels like and has been acknowledged for it in the past.

Shame and blame lower a child’s confidence and acknowledging virtues raises it.

 Some parents have raised the notion that their child never expresses patience so how can they acknowledge it? The answer is ALL children will express EVERY virtue. You as the parent, carer or teacher simply need to be aware. If Johnny is usually hyperactive and stops for one moment, the temptation is to relax, however if you can use this time to say; ‘I see your peacefulness or respect in this moment Johnny.’ He will be so surprised (and excited) at hearing praise instead of a complaint- he will usually demonstrate this virtue again in a short time. Johnny has gifted you with the opportunity to help him develop a positive value system. Acknowledging virtues builds self-esteem and incorporates positive change within the child and the classroom. If a child believes he is bad, he will behave badly. You have the power to help a child see their innate gifts and turn their lives around.

 Monica was teaching the children a virtue every week. One day, a parent rushed over and said, ‘you must be teaching generosity this week? My daughter said to me this morning, ‘That was very generous of you mum. Thank you.’ The parent smiled and said, ‘she’s never used that word before.’

Using the language of the virtues is easy! Acknowledgment is recognising the virtue and naming it. A correction is recognising which virtue is needed in the moment. Guidance in knowing what virtue is needed to come.

Please don’t use false praise or encouragement as this produces mixed messages. Rather ignore or correct undesirable behaviour and acknowledge desirable behaviour.

The following list of virtues, are examples of how you can acknowledge or correct behaviour by incorporating virtues into your language.

Thanks for helping clean up our school grounds. Your service is appreciated.

 It shows reliability when you hand in your work on time.

It shows caring Max, when you give water to the puppy.

I see your purposefulness in this task Madeleine.

It must have taken some courage Tim, for you to face that.

Paula, I saw your consideration for James when you let him go first.

That was loyalty Julie, when you stood by your friend.

SCENARIO: The virtue of the week was ‘love’ the children formed a circle and each child took a turn to sit in the centre to be wrapped in love. Children were instructed to say something positive about the person in the middle. Some children said; ‘you’re great at soccer Jacob.’ ‘I like your hair Alicia.’ ‘You’re my friend Joseph.’ ‘I see your friendliness Tess.’ It was Julian’s turn and he sat in the middle slumped over. His clothes were unkempt and he didn’t have a lot of friends. After the first acknowledgment he looked up in surprise. As the love kept coming, a smile formed and he sat upright. At the end of the session, Julian approached me and said. ‘Can we do that again? I didn’t know love felt like that.’

I see your joyfulness for this game Amanda.

You have high excellence in your work Jake.

Thank you for using tact when you asked John for your pencil back.

 It’s going to take self-discipline to finish this task.

It can take patience to wait for a plant to grow.

Thank you for your honesty Christian, it must have taken courage to speak up.

Children are encouraged to acknowledge as often as parents and teachers. Acknowledgments are reinforced when using someone’s name.

Mikhala, you showed a lot of friendliness to the new girl at school. I’m sure she appreciated your kindness.

 Gabriela shows respect when she looks after other people’s feelings

 I honour your truthfulness Mandy; it took some courage for you to own up to your mistake.

I know I can trust you Hope, because you’ve always completed this task before.

We are thankful for all the wonderful things we are offered.

When we eat these foods in moderation, they are good for us.

Thank you for your helpfulness in the classroom, Eddie.

The teacher’s aide was generous with his time this morning.

Acknowledgements don’t need to be over the top praise. A simple sentence will suffice. It’s not about pleasing the parent or teacher; it’s about teaching children to see themselves as they really are.

Watering The Garden – Pressure Off In The Classroom.

 For many there is nothing more relaxing than standing quietly in the yard watering the garden.

The body is relaxed and the mind is serene. Peace lives in the trickling of water onto grateful leaves. Earth darkens and softens as it soaks up the powerful moisture. Liken this to your classroom. You as the educator have sown a handful of seeds; the seeds have fallen onto rich, moist earth and now all you need to do is relax. It is a call for faith! Your only job now is to breathe out and water those seeds! Students will choose to germinate or not to germinate, this is the sublime nature of human free will.

 It is not for you to feel pressure at the responsibility of having your students achieve nor is it for you to take credit when they do achieve or surpass your expectations. It is for you to offer the nutrients and encouragement necessary, for you to open up the files of universal information and spread it like fertiliser.

The child is the only one that can grow the seed, they will always make the final decision as to where to place their focus.

You cannot scare or cajole another into focusing in a certain way. Fear tactics lead to a ‘I hate you and I hate this but I’ll do it anyway ‘ attitude that filters through into other aspects of their lives. (a marriage for example ‘I hate you and I hate this a but I’ll do it anyway…’) A child will only grow a seed that is pertinent to their existence.

If someone has learned that thinking negatively and growing ‘I CAN’T’ neurons works for them then they will continue to focus in that way. If they learn that ‘giving it a go’ works then that is what they will grow. It is too complicated to try and unravel the individual’s motivation for choosing certain patterns of thought. It is far more appropriate to step back and allow them space, whilst offering options for clarity of mind and positive decision making. The best thing we can do as parents and educators is to expose the workings of the brain. Make it clear that what we concentrate on will propagate.

If a child creates a neuron cluster for enjoyment in maths they will naturally lean in the direction of thoughts that will expand this cluster making maths more and more enjoyable. If a child dislikes maths they will likely ignore maths entirely which will foster no neural growth in this direction creating a blank when they are asked to attempt a mathematical problem. Alternatively, they may repeat ‘I hate maths, it’s too hard’, this then is how the neurons will grow.

 It is next to impossible in a busy classroom to address the individual regarding enjoyment or non enjoyment of any and all subjects we are required to teach.

• We can hold weekly discussions; opening up the possibility for examination of thought patterns.

• We can grace the students with information on neural growth and personal responsibility.

• We can let students know through examples and storytelling that enjoyment can be found in all subjects.

• We can encourage the thought that concentration on any enjoyment that can be found in a disliked subject will foster neural growth for more enjoyable aspects to emerge.

I disliked mathematics as a child but I did like drawing and I did like problem solving. As I noticed how much I enjoyed ‘drawing’ the shapes of numbers and concentrated on how much I loved solving problems, neural growth occurred in my brain that led away from dislike of maths to a more enthusiastic approach. I began to at least enjoy the problem solving aspect and things became a little clearer for me. My marks also improved somewhat. I never grew to LOVE maths nor was I ever really good at it. BUT I didn’t hate it and I didn’t dread the misery of a maths lesson anymore…. And that is what is important.

Giving kids the option of happiness and taking the pressure off in the classroom will bring a more balanced energy to all subjects, generally.

Remember too that people respond to each other’s energy so if you have a bunch of kids that are giving of sparks and resistance to a particular subject then that is felt by others and general classroom performance is lowered.

Through gaining an understanding of the mechanics of the brain;

• We can learn to recognise our emotions for what they are.

• We can understand that someone else does not need to affect our moment.

• We can learn to accept subjects we normally might despise.

• We can choose to grow strong, positive neural networks and live happy, successful lives.

 It is not the educator’s responsibility to make kids learn. ALL we need do is sow the seeds and water the garden. AWESOME!

Negative Emotion-No Such Thing!

      Emotions tend to be pigeon holed according to the extent of discomfort we feel when they arise in our bodies.

      When we are familiar with our emotional reactions we are less like to fear them allowing us a broader scope for appropriate response in unstable times.

      There is no such thing as a ‘negative emotion’.  Just as a rainy day is not gloomy unless you think it is, anger, for example, is not bad unless you see it as such.

      A child’s perception is based on what they have experienced so far, the way they have been guided and the responses they have witnessed in those around them.

      It stands to reason, if we teach children that emotions are not to be feared but rather are indicators of the next step or course of action, children will gain a deeper respect for their feelings and begin to assume command of their emotional body.

      With command comes empowerment. When children experience command over their internal state of being their external world reflects this, opening up a realm of creativity and positive choice.

      Humans are used to being at the mercy of emotion, in a way it gives us an out, we get to abdicate responsibility.

      When we abdicate we give a clear message of powerlessness to our cells and to the world around us. Our cells physically react by contracting to a minor degree- this registers as a feeling of unease in our emotions. 

      We are far more powerful than our emotions although at times it may feel otherwise. We are the ones experiencing them.

      By claiming command of our emotional body we make a statement of confidence and power. Our cells expand , we breathe more easily and a feeling of wellness stirs in our body.

      When we gracefully accept responsibility it shows, externally we walk taller, smile more and generally become more appealing to be around!

      We have reached our ultimate potential when we know who we are and why we react the way we do.

When we have learned to respond instead of react, we begin to consciously create our lives.

      Once conscious creation kicks in there is no going back!

      Sure we will feel sad, angry and fearful at times but we will not shy away from these emotions we will be curious about them, we will track them in our bodies, we will thank them for alerting us to the next course of action and we will watch them dissolve leaving us stronger and infinitely more realised!

Growing My Powerseed-Practical Guide to Empower children

      Once you realise that you are the target of bullying you must take action to stop this from happening.

      You may be a child but you are still powerful and it is up to you to remember your power and grow it!

      Imagine your power is like a little seed sprouting from the earth. The more you nurture it the bigger and stronger it grows.

      When your powerseed is fully grown it will be like a ball of positive energy in your tummy, helping you experience a powerful, successful and happy life.

A Powerseed needs a few essentials to be the best it can be.

     Self-care; eating healthy food, drinking lots of water, getting lots of sleep

     Self-love; smiling at yourself in the mirror, accepting compliments, speaking kindly to and about yourself.

     Self-acceptance; forgiving yourself for making mistakes (mistakes are part of being human and learning about the world) liking yourself and all your special qualities.

     Self-expression; being brave enough to be who you are and like what you like even if others don’t, finding ways to express your energy and your emotions, talking to others, painting, drawing, playing sport, singing, dancing, learning an instrument.

     Self-awareness; taking the time to feel emotions in your body, learning about the way emotions feel to you, watching the thoughts that you think and choosing to think positively about yourself, discovering intuition and learning to trust it; intuition is the little feeling that tells you to go away from a bad situation or that it is ok to be where you are, doing what you are doing.

 Growing a Powerseed with Positive Affirmations

 Always start your affirmations with I AM, this trains your brain to believe that you already have a full grown POWER BALL inside and helps your powerseed to grow more quickly!

Say the affirmation that feels best to you and say it whenever you remember, the more often you make these powerful statements the quicker your powerseed will grow.

Play around with words that feel powerful and trust yourself when a sentence feels right.

Feeling the feelings of ‘powerful’ and ‘strong’ when you say the affirmations will help your brain grow the neurons to support your powerseed.

Do your best to think of times when you felt strong and powerful; and summon the feeling up when you repeat the affirmations.

Sometimes saying the affirmations out loud in a strong assertive voice will encourage the good emotions that support your powerseed.

Continue to repeat your affirmations, changing the words whenever you feel like it until you notice the difference in your life.

You might begin to notice others being more respectful of you, maybe different people will want to be your friend, you will feel calmer and less scared in some situations. You may be able to understand schoolwork better and communicate more easily.

Many positive changes occur when we take the time and make the effort to tend our powerseed!

FROM LITTLE THINGS BIG THINGS GROW!  

Here are a few positive affirmations- how many more can you think of?

  I AM Powerful

  I AM Strong

  I AM having a powerful day

  I AM Loved, loving and lovable

  I AM Brave

  I AM the boss of my world

  I AM Happy

  I AM confident

  I AM ready to make a good friend

  I AM great at spelling!

  I AM connected to the world around me

  I AM Important to my community

  I AM Enjoying my life

  I AM looking forward to great adventures!

This is an excerpt from the ‘MY POWERSEED’ workshop for more information on developing emotional intelligence in your child or classroom please visit www.theiamprogram.com

or contact arna@theiamprogram.com for more info or to get your copy of ‘My Powerseed’

The Way of Change

      Our world is going through many and varied changes that require conscious alignment with solution orientated thinking.

The current social climate is clearly attracting an empathy based approach coupled with intelligent, innovative action.

Globally we need leaders able to retain a calm and balanced body/mind in the midst of turmoil.

Conscious, empathetic detachment and true compassion are the values required to move smoothly through the transition from traditional approach to embracing and implementing the new attitude necessary for the healthy continuation of our society.

By ensuring that children are educated appropriately from the beginning we activate the potential for a positive generational shift.

Just as literacy and numeracy education is essential to the ease of living so is emotional intelligence education, both need to be treated in the same way. Consistent application in the classroom is the key to producing a generation of emotionally intelligent adults.

When we make a conscious effort to develop our children’s emotional repertoire they will have options for mature response that can change the trajectory of their lives.

Where once a child choice may have led them in a negative direction, through as little as a 1% shift in emotional understanding a new option arises and the result can be great success and happiness!

Bringing about positive change is not only possible but with genuine intention and loving, conscious effort it becomes EASY!